Living as Christians in a Lost World: Marriage

Preached by Pastor Chad Rickenbaker on August 9, 2026 [watch online] | 1 Peter 3:1–7

1 Peter — “Living as Christians in a Lost World: Marriage”

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. —1 Peter 3:1–7 (NKJV)

If you were here last Sunday, you know we’ve turned a corner in Peter’s letter. Chapter three is a more practical section than what came before it. But the ground underneath it hasn’t shifted at all. Peter is writing to suffering Christians. Believers enduring real hardship, real trials, real adversity. And he keeps calling them by a particular name: pilgrims. Sojourners. People passing through.

That’s the frame for everything that follows. This world is not our home. Our citizenship is in heaven. We’re in this world, but we’re not of it, and we need to be careful that we don’t cultivate too much of an attachment to a place we’re only traveling through.

So Peter gives instruction about how we live here. He’s already addressed how we relate to governing authorities. He’s already addressed servants and masters in that Roman world. And now he comes to marriage. As it relates to marriage, there is a role God has given to the wife, and a role God has given to the husband.

I’ll be transparent with you: I spent extra time this week making sure I handle this word correctly. I want to get at the heart of what God is saying to us through His servant Peter. So let’s pick up in chapter three, verse one.

This World Is Not Our Home

We’re going verse by verse through the book of 1 Peter, and if this is your first Sunday with us in a while, here’s the ground we’ve already covered. Peter reminds these believers of some incredible things. That God has begotten us again to a living hope. That we’ve been born again into His family. That we have a safe and secure inheritance in heaven, kept for us by God Himself.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, —1 Peter 1:3–4

He says all of this so that we will be careful about how we live here. And that word — conduct — is one you need to file away, because you’re going to see it again and again in what Peter says. Look at chapter one, verse fourteen:

as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” —1 Peter 1:14–16

Be holy in all your conduct. Then turn over to chapter two, verse nine:

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. —1 Peter 2:9–10

Peter is saying: listen, you once weren’t the people of God, but now you are the people of God. There is a special calling on your life. And we are to bear witness to Him, to give testimony to who God is, to who Jesus is, to the doctrine of salvation. There is a proclamation we make with our lips. But as you’re about to see, our witness is not only our verbal testimony. Our testimony is also the way we live in this world. Our conduct. How we conduct ourselves.

There Is a Missional Purpose to Your Conduct

Peter goes on to spell out specific contexts in which our conduct is observed. The first is our relationship to governing authorities: we’re to live quiet, peaceable lives, respectful, showing honor, praying for those in authority over us. We as God’s people, pilgrims and sojourners passing through, are not the ones creating a ruckus.

Then he writes to those who in that day found themselves in slavery under the Roman Empire. He isn’t condoning it — the Bible condemns it, because every one of us has been made in the image of God — but he’s writing to real Christians in a real situation, telling them how to conduct themselves right where they are.

And underneath all of it is one repeated idea. Look back at chapter two, verse eleven:

Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation. —1 Peter 2:11–12

Abstain: refrain from trying to find satisfaction and fulfillment in anything this world has to offer. Because anytime you and I try to find ultimate satisfaction in what this world offers, another word for that is idolatrous. Our ultimate satisfaction is only found in God.

And then the reason: so that our conduct would be honorable among the lost. So that those who don’t know Jesus will see that our conduct is different from what you commonly find in the rest of the world. So that when they speak of Christians as evildoers, the accusation falls flat, and instead they see our good works and glorify God. There is a missional purpose to your conduct. There is a missional purpose to the way you live.

Wives, Be Submissive to Your Own Husbands

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. —1 Peter 3:1–2

Notice that word likewise. Back in chapter two Peter talked about sojourners and pilgrims. Then he addressed how we all submit ourselves to every ordinance of man. Then he addressed servants. And now, chapter three, verse one: wives, likewise. What does he mean by likewise? He means: just as we are all pilgrims, just as we are all sojourners, wives, as pilgrims and sojourners, as those for whom this world is not home. Here is God’s word of instruction for how you live here as a wife.

Now look at the immediate context, because it matters enormously. Peter is writing to women in that day who were married to unbelieving men. How would they have found themselves there? Scripture says we are not to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) — a Christian is not to marry an unbeliever. So most likely this was an unbelieving woman married to an unbelieving man, and then she heard the gospel, responded to it, and was saved. Her husband wasn’t.

So Peter’s question is: if you find yourself in that situation, what would God have you do? How would God have you relate to your unbelieving husband? And he addresses her conduct. The goal — as in every case before this — is that the unbelieving husband would be won by what he sees in her.

Six Things This Does Not Mean

Everyone agrees Peter is writing here to Christian wives married to unbelieving husbands. What I don’t want us to do is conclude that this is the only place God addresses this. Paul speaks to it in Ephesians five as well. But before we say what it means, we need to be clear about what it does not mean.

One: it doesn’t mean you share the same opinion as your husband. This one is fairly obvious: the believing wife and the unbelieving husband don’t even share the same opinion about Jesus. It does mean, however, that her views and perspectives on any subject are just as valid and just as valued as his. In my marriage, Joye and I work through and process everything together. Her views and perspectives are every bit as valid as mine, and I’ll readily confess that they are often better.

Two: it doesn’t mean a wife doesn’t have influence in the marriage. That’s exactly what Peter is getting at. His entire point is that this wife has incredible influence. He gives this dear, sweet Christian wife counsel so that she can have maximum influence over her unbelieving husband. And the greatest influence any person can have, in my opinion, is the ability to influence another person to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. That is the influence Peter says she holds.

Three: it doesn’t mean a wife puts her husband’s will ahead of God’s. God’s will comes first. If at any point a husband leads his wife or his family in an unbiblical direction, the wife can stand up and cry foul. She can say, you may go in that direction, but it is contrary to the Word of God, and I’m not going.

Four: it doesn’t mean a wife endures abuse. If there is a wife enduring abuse: two words: GET OUT. Get out, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. The Word of God is not teaching that a wife should remain in an abusive situation or relationship. If that is you, God is not telling you to suck it up and stay. I would say to you clearly, definitively, emphatically: get out.

Five: it doesn’t mean a wife is to be submissive to all men. Look back at verse one: be submissive to your own husbands. A woman in general is not called to be submissive to all men. Peter is defining the marriage relationship.

Six: it doesn’t mean a husband can use this verse. Men, husbands, this is not your verse. This is hers. Look at it again: to whom is God’s word speaking in verse one? Wives. Now, that doesn’t mean God has no word for husbands. He does. It’s in verse seven, and we’re going to get there. But verse one is the wife’s word. Martyn Lloyd-Jones said it this way: this isn’t your verse to quote at her, it is hers to obey, not yours to demand.

So What Does It Mean?

If submission is not those things, what is it? Here is how John Piper defined it: submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership, and so help to carry it through according to her gifts.

Her calling is to affirm his leadership — his spiritual initiative on her behalf and on behalf of the family — and to help see that it gets carried through. Spiritual leadership is a role God has given to the husband. It is not that she isn’t capable. It is not a matter of capability at all. It is a matter of role differentiation. Tony Evans put it this way: spiritual headship is God telling the woman to duck so He can punch the man.

Now, many wives hearing this may think: it’s hard to follow his spiritual leadership when he isn’t providing any. And the wonderful thing is that this is precisely what Peter is addressing. He is writing to wives married to unbelieving men who were not capable of providing spiritual direction. So how is she supposed to do this? Peter says she lives in such a way that he observes her conduct, her purity, and her fear of God. And it is by that he is drawn to the Lord.

Let me be clear about one thing. It doesn’t mean a husband can be saved without hearing the gospel. He’s going to have to hear it at some point because faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17). When Peter says “without a word,” it is believed to mean that this dear Christian wife doesn’t have to keep hitting him again and again and again with the gospel. Once he has heard it, she can simply live it out. And as she lives it out, he watches, he observes, and God can use that to draw him to faith.

Let It Be the Hidden Person of the Heart

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. —1 Peter 3:3–4

What Peter is not saying is that wives can’t braid their hair. He’s not saying wives can’t wear jewelry. He’s not saying wives can’t wear nice clothes. What he is saying is: don’t let that be your focus. Remember the context. Hey wives, you can braid your hair, you can wear jewelry, you can wear nice clothes. That’s fine. Just don’t let it be your focus, because your braided hair and your jewelry and your nice clothes won’t be the thing that draws your husband to Jesus.

What will draw him to Jesus is a heart that is adorned. It’s not that you can’t look nice. Peter’s point is that if you place all your focus on looking nice and neglect your heart, you’re neglecting the one thing God can use to draw your unbelieving husband to Jesus. So put your emphasis there.

And notice how he ends it: which is very precious in the sight of God. I love that, because it is an affirmation to wives, to women, that as you adorn your heart the way Peter describes it, God takes notice. God sees it. And from God’s perspective, it is very precious. I don’t know about you, but I’m always thankful when the Bible tells me plainly, here — this pleases God. This is one of those places.

Not Afraid with Any Terror

So how do you cultivate that internal adornment? Look at verse five:

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. —1 Peter 3:5–6

Some translations render it “the holy women who hoped in God.” And what did that trust and hope lead to in their lives? Look at the end of verse six where it says they were not afraid with any terror.

Go back to the context. Many scholars believe Peter is writing during the reign of the emperor Nero — the one feeding Christians to the lions, serving them up to wild beasts in the Coliseum for his own grotesque satisfaction and for the entertainment of the Roman populace. People gathered to watch Christians killed for their faith. Now picture an unbelieving man married to a Christian woman who may herself be subject to exactly that. And what he watches is that because of her trust and hope in God, she is not terrified by the circumstances she finds herself in.

Listen — if I’m living in a day and time where, because of my profession of faith in Jesus, I might be fed to wild animals, I’m probably going to have a hard time exuding gentleness and a quiet spirit. I’m going to be a little anxious, a little torn up. But Peter says that because of her hope and trust in God, she isn’t coming unraveled. She is living with a quiet confidence in God — and her unbelieving husband is watching it and thinking, that is otherworldly. That is not normal.

And here is what happens next. Look at verse fifteen:

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; —1 Peter 3:15

Isn’t that exactly what she’s doing? She is living with this reverence for God, this trust in God, this hope in God. All so that as her husband observes it, he cannot help but ask: honey, in the face of all this adversity and uncertainty and even your own potential death, why do you have this quiet, gentle spirit? And she gets to say: it’s because of Jesus. Jesus is why.

Peter is talking about marriage here, so this is especially for wives. But let me tell you how the rest of us apply it — the single woman, the men, all of us. We so hope and so trust in God that no matter what is happening in our lives, no matter what unfolds that might undo us, we exhibit that same gentle, quiet confidence in God, so that everyone who watches our lives wants to know how and why we can have this peace in the midst of such turbulent times. That’s how we apply it.

Husbands, Honor Your Wives

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. —1 Peter 3:7

Likewise husbands. Just as everyone places themselves in subjection to the governing authorities, just as we are all pilgrims and sojourners passing through. This world does not define how we relate to the world. God defines how we relate to the world. So God says: likewise, husbands, let Me define for you how you are to relate to your wife while you live here as a pilgrim and a sojourner.

And why does that matter so much? Because as much as I would like, in my limited way of thinking, to be married to my wife in heaven, I won’t be. Biblically speaking, in heaven we are not given in marriage (Matthew 22:30). That’s hard to fathom, but it’s what God’s Word says. So in this life, as I live as a pilgrim passing through, God defines how I relate to my wife. And what He says is that I am to honor her.

“Dwell with them with understanding” — or according to knowledge. What does that mean? I think it means allowing God and His Word to inform how I relate to her. I bring every part of the gospel into the relationship. As it relates to the gospel, I am a sinner saved by grace; I have received unmerited favor. So I bring that knowledge into how I relate to my wife. I show her unmerited grace and favor. She doesn’t have to earn it — I didn’t. I’m not sitting back waiting on her to do anything at all to deserve my grace, because that’s not how I got mine. I got it as a free gift, just like you.

Part of dwelling with our wives in an understanding way means that as husbands we become students of our wives. You exert effort to know her and to understand her. Our wives are a beautiful mystery, and as such they are worthy of our attention and worthy of our investigation. We should want to know how they think and why they think the way they think for the purpose of honoring them. I want to know why Joye feels the way she feels. I want to know why she thinks the way she thinks. Not so I can point out the differences, not so I can say “that’s crazy,” but so I can honor her better. She is special and valued in the sight of God.

Then notice: giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel. And we say, well, she’s weak. No — that is not what the Bible says. Look at the word. She is weaker. That “-er” means we are both weak. In what way, then? The word vessel, as Paul uses it, refers to the body:

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. —2 Corinthians 4:7

So generally speaking, men are physically stronger than women. Generally. It is a statement about a practical, observable difference, and it is not a statement about worth, or capability, or standing before God.

Heirs Together of the Grace of Life

You could easily carry “weaker vessel” too far. And to make sure we don’t, notice what Peter says next: and as being heirs together of the grace of life. Peter is being led by the Holy Spirit as he writes, and I don’t know that Peter would have caught this on his own — but the Holy Spirit made sure he didn’t miss it.

In one sense we are to show honor: we revere, we esteem, we protect, we take spiritual initiative in our home. Not because she isn’t capable — she is fully capable, completely. It is not a matter of capacity or ability. It is a matter of the role God has called us to as husbands, to lead and to initiate spiritually. And lest anyone get confused and think this is a statement about equality, Peter says it has nothing to do with equality or inequality, because we are heirs together of the grace of life.

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. —Galatians 3:26–29

Men, if you are married, your wife is a daughter of God, and you honor her as such. A daughter of God. A co-heir and fellow heir of the inheritance God has stored up for us. We are in this together. We are equal in this together, because we are co-heirs of the promises of God.

I don’t know how you feel about this, but one of the things I cannot abide is someone mistreating my wife or my daughters. I can’t abide it. And in this one verse, verse seven, God is saying to Christian husbands: I want you to know I can’t abide you mistreating your wife. I can’t abide you not honoring her. She is My daughter. And she is every bit as much an heir of the promises of God as you are, and every bit as capable as you are.

Is God really taking offense if husbands don’t honor their wives? Look at the last phrase of verse seven: that your prayers may not be hindered. Husbands, God is saying that if you don’t honor your wife, I don’t want to hear what you have to say. Go get that right first, then come back and we’ll talk. As long as you are mistreating or disrespecting or failing to honor her the way I’ve called you to, tell somebody else — because until you get that right, your prayers are going to be hindered.

Why would God say that? Because He feels about His daughters the same way I feel about mine, only infinitely more so.

And this is not a small corner of Scripture. God designed the marriage relationship to serve as a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church:

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. —Ephesians 5:23–29

Husbands, how does God say you are to love your wife? As Christ loved the church. And how did Jesus love the church? He died for her. He gave Himself for her. So our role as husbands is to so love our wives that it is evident we would lay down our lives for them. And our wives’ sanctification should be among our greatest concerns, not because she has to have us in order to grow, but because it is our calling to offer it and to provide it.

God Is Up to Something Good

In my own marriage I try to model what God’s Word says, and I am very imperfect at it. I probably don’t initiate as much as I ought to. But I’ll tell you — Joye is a prayer warrior. She is a spiritual champion. I think a lot about this passage, not because I’m lost, but because I have a living illustration in my household twenty-four hours a day of a wife’s ability to spiritually influence by the way she handles adversity and by the way she trusts and hopes in God.

We have gone through all manner of things, and she is to this day battling cancer, and we are uncertain about a great many things. And I’m telling you, she soldiers on. She is unflappable in the face of adversity. She has this gentle, quiet spirit that is born out of her hope and trust in God, and I watch it every day with these two eyes. If I were lost, I’d get saved. And even being saved, I watch her and think: Lord, help me be more like that.

My responsibility, then, is to honor her and to provide spiritual initiative in our home. And I can tell you this, outside of reading it in God’s Word, I never want her to have to think about being submissive to me. If she’s having to think about it, I’m not doing something right. I should so love her and so honor her that it never occurs to her that she should be submissive as our world might define it.

There is a missional purpose to our conduct in this world. Peter is writing to suffering Christians enduring injustice, and he repeatedly reminds them who they are — who we are. A chosen generation. A royal priesthood. The people of God. A holy nation. His own special people. Pilgrims and sojourners. This world does not define how we live. God does. He has called us out of darkness into His marvelous light, that we might proclaim His praises with our lips and also live in such a way that other people see it, observe it, and are drawn to Him.

Here is how I think about it as we close. Is He the creator of everything? Then is He the designer of everything? If He is the creator and the designer, it would be foolish of me to try to rewrite how it should be done. To our benefit, He has given us His Word so we can live in accordance with His design — and that is always going to be for our best.

How many of you believe that God is up to something good? We’ve had a lot in our family to go through, a lot to process. And I’ll stand here today, God as my witness: we have concluded that even in our adversities and trials, God is still up to something good. Do I see it all yet? Do I understand it all? No, I don’t. And I don’t have to, because I have such confidence in His goodness that even if I can’t see it yet, even if in this life I never see it, I believe He is up to something good. So much so that it is in my best interest to live according to His design.

Husbands, let me speak to you as a man. Honor her. She is a daughter of the Most High God, and as you relate to her, you do well to remember that. Honor her in an understanding way. For all the days God gives you on this earth, make her second to God, but make her the pursuit of your life. Pursue her, in order to understand her, so that you can honor her according to God’s unique shaping in her life.

And follow the Lord. Follow His guidance, follow His instruction, and trust Him with the results. You are not responsible for the result. You are responsible for what He has called you to do.

Scripture references in this message: 1 Peter 3:1–7 · 1 Peter 1:3–4 · 1 Peter 1:14–16 · 1 Peter 2:9–10 · 1 Peter 2:11–12 · 1 Peter 3:1–2 · 2 Corinthians 6:14 · 1 Peter 3:3–4 · Romans 10:17 · 1 Peter 3:5–6 · 1 Peter 3:15 · Matthew 22:30 · 2 Corinthians 4:7 · Galatians 3:26–29 · Ephesians 5:23–29. (NKJV)

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Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.